thank you in my whole body

Thursday, June 22nd, 2017 12:07 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
Warning, contains emotions in tumbling mixed up words Read more... )

Misogyny is not legitimate criticism.

Thursday, June 22nd, 2017 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] realsocialskills_feed

Women are people. Women face misogyny regardless of what they do.

Sometimes people do bad things. Some of the people who do bad things are women.

When women do bad things, that justifies criticism. It does not justify misogyny, or sexualized insults.

For instance: If a female politician votes against health care for poor people, it’s important to talk about how that will get people killed.

That doesn’t make it ok to call her ugly, mock her body, or make comments about how she needs to get laid. None of that has anything to do with health insurance. None of that is valid criticism. None of that serves any constructive purpose. It’s just misogyny.

Directing misogynistic insults at any woman is harmful to all women. It sends the message that there’s no problem with misogyny so long as the woman is a bad person who has it coming somehow. This implies that the only real disagreement about misogyny is about which women deserve it. 

We need to object to misogyny in principle, regardless of who the target is. Misogyny is not criticism. It’s just destructive hatred.

context, kinfolk, and crow feather

Thursday, June 22nd, 2017 08:34 am
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
So to provide a little more context for my last post…

CW: discussion of death and dying, major illness, family ties, travel uncertainty

Read more... ) Neighbor crow, I am listening. Uncle, I love you.

so i have an eticket all of a sudden

Wednesday, June 21st, 2017 11:04 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
traveling tomorrow

serious illness in extended family

hugs welcome

signal boost: gay it forward

Wednesday, June 21st, 2017 06:00 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
Pride isn't just a celebration. It is that and that is important. But it's also a lifeline to young queer kids. It's a protest and a form of action and so many other things.

Whether you are queer yourself or (hopefully!) an ally to queerfolk, please look up your local pride event. Or Google "queer homeless teens." Or "black trans lives matter" or "Two Spirit Native lgbtqia+"... Support as you can.

And remember: survival is resistance.

ETA: Also: There is no one right way to Pride

(Comic Transcript to come...)

You matter.

good things around juneish

Wednesday, June 21st, 2017 05:32 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline



well timed tears

Mt. Hood in sunlight over the shoulder of Mt. Tabor

my mom being awesome

time off

having strategies and prep for Things and recognizing that they apply

long sunlit hours



Blocking is not evidence

Wednesday, June 21st, 2017 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] realsocialskills_feed

People get to decide who they do and don’t want to talk to.

Online, part of what that means is that people can block each other. People who don’t want to talk to each other can make the conversation stop.

If someone blocks someone else, all it means is that they’ve decided to stop talking to them. In almost all cases, you have every right to do that.

Blocking someone doesn’t mean you’ve lost an argument. (Similarly, if someone else blocks you, that doesn’t mean you’ve won or that you’re better than them.) It just means that you’ve chosen to stop talking to someone.

There’s nothing wrong with ending a conversation. You don’t have to interact with everyone who wants your attention. You have the right to have boundaries and you have the right to use technology to enforce them.

The only time it’s wrong to block people is if they are entitled to your attention for some reason. That’s rare, and mostly applies to corporations and elected officials. 

Blocking is not a punishment or a confession of weakness. It’s a boundary.

People act the way they think people act

Tuesday, June 20th, 2017 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] realsocialskills_feed

Most people act the way they think people act. When people talk about what people are like, assume they’re including themselves.

For instance:

If a boss says that all bosses exploit employees, they’re likely to be terrible to work for.

If a man says that all men are rapists, misogynists, or abusers, he’s likely not a very safe person to be alone with.

If someone says that all marginalized people need to lash out at privileged people, it’s likely that they’ll eventually consider you privileged and lash out at you.

There are any number of instances of this. People tend to act the way they think people act. When people tell you how people act, or how people in a group they’re part of act, err on the side of assuming that they may act that way too.

[syndicated profile] dendriforming_feed



me: hey how long is this thing going to last

someone: haha you just want to know when you’re off the hook

me: hah

me: (actually i just need to allocate the right expectations and backlog of energy and make sure the rest of my day falls in good accordance with it so that i don’t feel time-crunched and propel myself into a hysteria because if i don’t know how long this thing lasts or when it ends i can’t possibly know when literally anything else starts and my entire life becomes an unraveled realm of anarchy with no rhyme or reason and how is that not terrifying to you)

me: hey how long will this take

someone: oh like twenty minutes

me: ok

*an hour later*

me: *clinging to every learned social skill i can think of with the desperate hope my distress and exhaustion doesn’t show*

someone: hey we’re almost done don’t be so crabby

me: *smiling* *internally screaming at this SENSELESS CHAOS*

[syndicated profile] spacerobotcrew_feed


Having a lot of trouble with the idea that there is one autistic interaction style or a small number that are very similar and all characterized by being far more direct than non-autistic interaction.

Exposure anxiety is just so fundamental to my experience of autism. Direct questions don’t work well for me. My primary problem is not that people don’t just say what they mean. And that… doesn’t make me neurotypical or non-autistic.

(no subject)

Monday, June 19th, 2017 06:52 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
Some wonderful things from the last few days:

- Plants growing up through the cracks in the concrete including: red clover, wheatgrass, sorrel, spiny lettuce aka sundial plant, dandelion.

- The scents of: honeysuckle hedges, assorted rose blossoms.

- Cherries, raspberries, and cloudberries fruiting. Figs, plums, and blackberries almost ripe.

- Bumblebees buzzing in flowers and the flowers flopping sideways with the weight of the bee and this is perfectly fine and an okay thing.

- Sounds of: bumblebees and honeybees buzzing around; birds shouting at each other; wind on the water in the river.

- A bag of small offcut pieces of local wood for making kids' blocks, handed to me when I stopped to look at the trash of a furniture artist. *happyflap*

- Pride jewelry including some patterns I've wistfully imagined for a long time.

- People in my online liking my ideas enough to run with them. It is so surprising and neat!

Health stuff: Read more... )
[syndicated profile] dendriforming_feed

Having a lot of trouble with the idea that there is one autistic interaction style or a small number that are very similar and all characterized by being far more direct than non-autistic interaction.

Exposure anxiety is just so fundamental to my experience of autism. Direct questions don’t work well for me. My primary problem is not that people don’t just say what they mean. And that… doesn’t make me neurotypical or non-autistic.

[syndicated profile] nicocoer_feed

The foot bones are connected to the ankle bones- that is if your tendons are doing their jobs. I’ve reached the point where ankle braces are a must have for summer (and the rest of the year.) I have stretchy pull on ones currently, which I like because of minimal bulk, softness, and honestly because of versatility. Worn on their own with shoes they look like funky socks, with socks they can go over socks or under socks. Here I have one over and one under. If over had looked as cool as I’d have hoped with these socks I’d have worn both over, but the design here isn’t printed low enough in the toe for it to do what I’d been hoping. (Socks are from @spirithalloween - I love their thigh high stocking material, and of course how fun these particular ones look. Love me some skeleton legs.) I’m kind of thinking of the braces as prosthetic tendons as that’s kind of what function they are playing. If I had a spare pair I think I might try drawing some tendons on them with puffy paint but right now I just have this pair. #365dayswithdisability #stretchypeople #hypermobility #nos #anklebrace #ankle #chronicfemme #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicgoth #socks #bones #tendons (at Rockland, Pennsylvania)

going to pride

Saturday, June 17th, 2017 11:42 am
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
yes I am going to portland pride probably today and tomorrow

I have decided I will top off whatever comfy clothes I end up wearing with scarf layers in purple white and green, because

when exactly will depend on scheduley things like partner getting her meds and also how much my shoulder is hassling me today etc

if we know each other and you are in Portland please feel free to PM me for my phone number for texts; however I may well be too overwhelmed to actually check it once I leave the apartment so caution is advised

i will drop by dw sometime tonight and tomorrow night so folks know I am still here

fuzzy purple catperson

Friday, June 16th, 2017 09:16 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
Me: *spend an hour on google looking at purple cats*
Also Me: That was a good hour. Read more... )
*pounces random fluffy object* Hey look I have stripy fuzzy purple socks!

“ ‘ Keep it simple, Jake. ’ ”

Friday, June 16th, 2017 07:36 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
“ ‘ Keep it simple, Jake. ’ ”


Brought to you on the behalf of a friend of mine planning to move: an extended quote from Spider Robinson on packing for a move *without* losing one’s mind. (Contents may provoke stress in folks, like me, who loathe large organizational projects.) Read more... )

(no subject)

Friday, June 16th, 2017 08:13 pm
slashmarks: (Leo)
[personal profile] slashmarks
I think I am going to have to stop numbering these and concede it is my new review routine at this point.

Voyage of the Basilisk: A Memoir by Lady Trent.
The series continues to improve, and I really love the love interest introduced in this one – possibly I just have a soft spot for intellectual companionship, but this is maybe the most plausible romance subplot I've seen in a while. He's an archaeologist and they argue about scientific theory. (*heart eyes*) Anyway, I thought the travel between different locations was interesting, and in a way it made the sometimes sparse cultural description feel more real, because the characters should have somewhat sparse views. I'm not sure I entirely bought the climactic action scene, but eh, I'm never really in it for action. I did feel kind of... eeeh about a specific LGBT-related plot development, like, was it really necessary to put that in with a straight and cis protagonist and then duck away from the full impact? And I feel like the cultural stuff was probably also eeeh although I'm not qualified to judge. But at least there was an instance of a character who it clearly does apply fully to, so, idk. *shrugs*

Prehistoric Britain: 2nd Edition – Timothy Darvill. Textbook on the title's subject, archaeological data somewhat dense but good, just ignore literally everything the book says about linguistics (Fortunately that's not very much anyway; I'm just annoyed when I go chasing down a claim that seemed interesting and discover the citation was to an unpublished archaeologist playing amateur linguist with no clue what he's doing. BUT I AM USED TO THIS FROM ARCHAEOLOGISTS.) Anyway if you need a general overview of the record from a period this is a good resource; some of the theoretical interpretations are a bit... arbitrary but, well, it is archaeology and this is fairly easy to tell from the text since he talks in detail about the evidence most of the time.

(Uh. Apologies to any archaeologists in the audience for my disdain towards their field. I didn't want to develop a grudge, they just won't stop staying stupid things about historical linguistics and eventually one gets annoyed.)

Playing with Matches – Suri Rosen. YA, the MC is an Orthodox Jewish teenager who's shipped to relatives in Toronto following some spectacular incident that got her expelled from school, and she inadvertently sets herself up as an anonymous matchmaker. I did not like this book. The author is apparently a screenwriter normally, and you can tell; the comic mishaps feel very Hollywood to me, and were frankly pretty cringe worthy to me, since I hate comedy based on embarrassing the protagonist. Mostly I wanted to scream at the secondary characters for being monstrously unfair to her. I found a certain development involving dogs incredibly implausible – I think the fact that chocolate is poisonous to dogs is sufficiently embedded in American popular culture that gags based on characters not knowing this are both cliche and totally unbelievable – and the idea that everyone would just do a one eighty about the MC based on what happens during the conclusion was also poorly supported. I could have bought it with better writing but that did not happen here. Also, the misbehavior that got the protagonist sent to Toronto in the first place was poorly described in the beginning (I had the false impression she'd been sexually abused by a teacher and blamed for it for half the book) and when the details were revealed they felt so pointlessly mean that I had trouble reconciling it with the character as she was written.

The Lake – Banana Yoshimoto. This is hard to synopsize; a sort of unconventional romance, but mostly it is a story about people's trauma, and communication between two people, I think. I liked this in general very much; the atmospheric prose was probably its biggest strength, along with the way emotions that don't often make it into novels are portrayed in breathless, realistic detail. The description is very good, and the protagonist is just – likable in a way I found very comforting to read. I also appreciated the way trauma was used, the way small improvements are significant but don't mean that the trauma is gone, it was very realistic in a way I wouldn't have been expected to be compatible with trauma-as-plot, but it was here. I would give this an entirely positive review, except that I was not at all pleased by the way disability was used in relation to a certain character, and there was some behavior by the male lead at one point that I did not like, and felt should have been addressed.

Serpentine – Cindy Pon. Oh, man, this was not a good book. It can't decide whether it wants to be a coming of age story about the protagonist finding out she is REALLY A NAGA SHAPESHIFTER, or a story about the protagonist's mistress being a lesbian, or about the war between demons and humans and the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. This could be done well but it was not, here, the plot lines felt totally unrelated and also they were all handled extremely badly. There was a heartfelt author's note about wanting to write about female friendship but I honestly had the impression the only reason the protagonist was attached to anyone was Stockholm syndrome. Like, you can do master/servant friendship well, but ideally it requires some gestures towards leveling the power imbalance on the part of the powerful party, and also them not being a spoiled brat who throws physical fits when she loses at board games. The part where the book ends with the protagonist being kidnapped to Hell by another demon, losing everyone she was ever attached to after discovering her boyfriend left her to die after all at the same time as her mistress says goodbye to her lover and resigns herself to heterosexual marriage in obedience to her family is a special touch. I mean, who the hell claimed this was good lesbian representation. (Insert rant I am not up to here about using historical research that appears to belong mostly to the Tang period for a book that is supposed to be set during the mythical Xia dynasty three thousand years before that???)

Brain zaps and other shit …

Friday, June 16th, 2017 02:26 pm
vladdraculea: Julia set fractal with Ace and Arrow Pride colors, black, grey, white, green, and purple (Ben)
[personal profile] vladdraculea
The past week and a half has been full of brain ugh. Lots and lots of brain ugh. Mostly of the brain zaps and feel like we're falling asleep on our feet variety, with a little heightened ear-ringing thrown in. It's not so much brain fog but, it's like we have a fever but without the high temperature and without the aches and pains that sometimes come with a fever. Or like the time we went off Effexor XR back in 2013: same exact problem.

We've been on a different SNRI called duloxetine for the past 11 years and we went through a period a year or two after having been on 60 mg twice a day where this started happening again, but we got our doctor to change the dosing schedule to 30 mg four times a day and the problem went away and never came back. Till this month. So we figured it probably wasn't that either.

And someone in our hypermobile Autistics group on fb said it could be a temporal lobe migraine thing, but we have been told by a doctor (not our regular doctor and not even a neurologist, so maybe they were wrong?) that our headaches aren't actually migraines, and anyway, we're taking 7.2 grams (yes, really that much) of gabapentin a day (divided so we take half at bedtime with three smaller doses at breakfast, lunch, and supper) and we haven't had much in the way of headache pain in the past two weeks. So it's probably not that either, since a. gabapentin is a migraine prevention drug and b. it especially assists other anticonvulsants in treating temporal lobe epilepsy. And while temporal lobe epilepsy is not the same thing as temporal lobe migraines, my intuition says there is little chance we've just out of the blue started having non-headache migraine symptoms of the sort that would be obliterated by taking even a quarter of the dose of gabapentin we're taking.

But going back to the SNRI withdrawal thing, this afternoon, I wondered if the current batch of our SNRI might be ... off ... somehow. Like could it be a bad batch, or not the extended release kind we've been on for a while? So went and counted the remaining pills in our current bottle and it seems we started taking this batch on June 2, three days before all this started. It might be a coincidence, but it's suspicious timing.

On the other hand, according to our doctor, perimenopause could explain just about anything. Including this kind of thing. So maybe it's not our SNRI after all. Ugh. And we won't know for sure unless we get a refill and all of a sudden these symptoms just go poof! But that won't be for another two weeks.

Meanwhile, we have to have our first mammogram because breasts. Which I wish we didn't have, though Vlad doesn't mind them and surgery isn't covered and ugh.

in good news

Thursday, June 15th, 2017 07:18 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
I am SO PROUD of my kindergarteners. Today they graduated to first grade! I cried of course. I got lots of hugs and some really sweet reactions/recognition from parents. And I am SO READY for it to be summer - these couple of days of clean up and professional development cannot go fast enough. And, thankfully, there WILL BE summer meals at school, and summer activities. And we got a lot done! And they have grown so much. Oh my gods. *sniff*

not a food

Thursday, June 15th, 2017 06:56 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
Complainy cat is complaining in more detail. Yay?

Content Warning: comparatively less-sick person complaining about being sick and in pain; food, food problems; unpleasant medical details and symptoms; self-directed snark; internaliazed ableism and assorted brainweasels.

Read more... )

You know...

Thursday, June 15th, 2017 06:54 pm
sinisterporpoise: (Default)
[personal profile] sinisterporpoise
It may be my roommate's house, but she should at least make the effort not to  listen to alt-right racist YouTubers so loudly.


Thursday, June 15th, 2017 01:12 am
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
Read more... )

Apologies for vagueposting.

a few good things

Tuesday, June 13th, 2017 09:40 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
Pine trees. Almonds. A smile from someone who was upset and felt better. A hug. Sunlight and rain.

Fic: The House of Conrí

Tuesday, June 13th, 2017 10:30 am
meridian_rose: pen on letter background  with text  saying 'writer' (Default)
[personal profile] meridian_rose posting in [community profile] lmdee

Summary: Sometimes names are just names. Sometimes they are symbolic. Sometimes they're more than that. Fantasy flash fiction.

Thomas was thrown to the stone floor at the base of the steps. Despite his shackles he struggled to his knees, refusing to lie there complacent. He raised his bruised face defiantly and curled his lip, though that made the blood flow afresh.

"Your name?"

"Thomas Daniel," he said proudly. He was named Thomas for his grandfather, a great hunter, and the family of Daniel had long served the rightful king. "Who are you?"

The woman sat on the throne atop the dais regarded him with brown eyes that were filled with distaste. "I am Queen Ameris, ruler of the House of Conrí."
Read more... )

Abuse does not make you a broken monster

Monday, June 12th, 2017 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] realsocialskills_feed

Our culture often sends the message that if you were abused as a child, you’ll inevitably abuse your children.

It’s not true. I know multiple people personally who grew up in violent homes who have chosen not to be abusive. They experienced violence as children; they do not commit acts of violence as adults. It is possible, it is happening, and people making that choice deserve more respect and recognition.

It’s easier to learn how to parent well from growing up with good parents. It’s also possible to learn from other people. I know this because I’ve seen people do it. To some extent, *everyone* learns from people other than their own parents. (Including their own children. Kids are born with minds of their own, and people who respect their children learn a lot from them about how parenting can and can’t work.) 

It’s a matter of degree. Everyone needs some degree of help and support in learning how to parent; some people need more help and support. Abuse (among other things) may mean that someone needs more help learning parenting; it does not mean that someone will inevitably become an abuser. 

I think we need to talk about this more. Abuse survivors should not be treated as broken monsters. Violence is a choice, and abuse survivors are capable of choosing nonviolence. Abuse survivors are full human beings who have the capacity to make choices, learn skills, and treat others well. 

Shipping Ships

Monday, June 12th, 2017 12:07 am
spacerobotcrew: Jim's symbol, a blue heart on a grey background (heart)
[personal profile] spacerobotcrew
I know I'm really not alone in complaining about tumblr lately but why the fuck does a lot of tumblr seem to think that shipping fictional characters is like THE BIGGEST MOST IMPORTANT SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUE OF OUR TIME.

It makes me wish I was more into shipping so I could ship weird shit and just confuse people.

I need to play more Mass Effect so I can ship me with aliens.

More shipping. )

UHH ACTUALLY wow we had this post sitting in a tab forever and speaking of shipping I'm playing more Mass Effect just like going around talking to everybody on my ship a lot and I successfully flirted with Peebee! Well kind of. (47 says: LOL. He blushed IRL when attempting to flirt in game.) No my Ryder is kind of a jerk though! Seriously I was trying to talk with Peebee and she was talking a lot and I'm like hey you're cool and Ryder is like WHOA YOU'RE TALKING TOO MUCH SLOW DOWN LET ME TALK and I'm like RYDER NO SHOOOOOSH, SHOOOSH RYDER. And then she's like talking about herself and how she likes adventure and new things and Ryder is like I don't understand you you're a mystery you've told me nothing about yourself and I'm like RYDER SHOOOSH NO SHE'S TOLD YOU A LOT. He's so bad at flirting. D: Peebee is kinda adorable though.

Seriously though Ryder. EVEN I'd be better at flirting than you. Be like "Hey, obviously you love adventure, want to go nearly get killed exploring alien ruins again, but this time it's a date?" or even "You're blue. My hair's blue. We match. I like blue. Ur pretty." COME ON RYDER


Face hole problems

Sunday, June 11th, 2017 09:14 pm
spacerobotcrew: Jim. A stylized drawing of an angry robot with the word destroy underneath it. It's also an animated gif that sparkles. (jim destroy glitter)
[personal profile] spacerobotcrew
I need to just take a sec to say HOLY FUCK, WHAT EVEN ARE HUMANS

Like I keep being like oh I'm used to everything now. Shoving things into a hole in your face to get energy is normal and no big deal I'm an expert I've been doing this for years.

Then we just went to eat a piece of cheese, and we bit it and there was like a piece of paper attached and it was like shit, can't put that down the face hole, ok gotta fish this piece of paper out of our mouth, this sure is normal, then I got rid of the piece of paper then tried to eat the cheese again and this time some of our hair went into our mouth and our mouth bit our hair and at this point I kinda lost it like oh my god my human vessel is just having face hole problems, it's trying to eat everything, it's trying to eat our own hair, no you can only eat the foods, stop it face, be a good human, eat the cheese rectangle, don't just eat everything, why are you doing this.

Why can't we just run on batteries like a normal person. :P

Nooooo, got to shove things down the face hole. But only some things. Not paper or hair stop it don't eat those.


state of the me midjune

Sunday, June 11th, 2017 09:00 pm
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
My sibling and their partner came to visit. It was excellent. We went hiking.

Food, health, stressful topics Read more... )
[syndicated profile] dendriforming_feed


I hate when shopping websites have the little live-chat box that pops up.  If there’s one thing my online shopping experience was not missing, it’s the awkwardness of mumbling “just looking…” to an overeager salesperson when we’re the only two people in the store.


vladdraculea: Rainbow Autistic Pride lemniscate over the black, grey, white, and purple stripes of the Asexuality Pride flag (Default)
Vlad Drăculea

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